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[23:11] polyabc123go: did i actually change..
[23:11] subarashiicakes: what happened o.o
[23:11] subarashiicakes: change?
[23:12] polyabc123go: what a dick..
[23:12] polyabc123go: hes all telling me off
[23:12] polyabc123go: what the fawc
[23:12] polyabc123go: all saying your gonna make me cry , youve changed blah blah
[23:13] polyabc123go: your always depressed
[23:13] polyabc123go: he just doesnt understand that im ctually happy
[23:13] polyabc123go: and when im sad he makes fun of me
[23:13] subarashiicakes: that's weird..
[23:13] polyabc123go: but when im actually happy and i know what im doing, and staying faithful he gets all mad or whatever and says youve changed
[23:13] polyabc123go: i mean really
[23:14] polyabc123go: i dont need this
[23:14] polyabc123go: and plus he doesnt even know shit
[23:14] polyabc123go: i swear
[23:14] polyabc123go: if only i could throw him out
[23:15] polyabc123go: gosh whenever i become alright and happy with what i have and recovered from a broken feelings, they expect bad things to happen
[23:15] subarashiicakes: seems like hes' keeping you down..
[23:15] subarashiicakes: >.>
[23:15] polyabc123go: no shit right -___-
[23:15] polyabc123go: what the freak man
[23:15] polyabc123go: and im always faithful and stuff
[23:16] polyabc123go: and i do everything for him !
[23:16] polyabc123go: it doesnt make sense
[23:16] polyabc123go: why ae they getting mad at me that ive changed???
[23:16] polyabc123go: i hate this
[23:16] subarashiicakes: how have you changed though
[23:16] polyabc123go: i knoww right
[23:16] polyabc123go: i dont get it
[23:17] polyabc123go: he was all being sad and sarcastic is was becoming annoying
[23:17] polyabc123go: freaking tripping out
[23:17] polyabc123go: my brother needs to calm down
[23:18] subarashiicakes: yeaah.
[23:18] polyabc123go: im really mad
[23:18] polyabc123go: like relaly pissed
[23:18] polyabc123go: i dont even trust that motha fudgah
[23:19] polyabc123go: why is it that im only tyring to seek god and im like getting closer to him everyday by reading the bible and praying, but then i get this crap
[23:19] polyabc123go: when im actually happy
[23:19] polyabc123go: then they say Oh youve changed and its bad i want the old sister back
[23:19] polyabc123go: it makes so freaking mad
[23:20] subarashiicakes: :/ i guess they just dont realize that everything's fine.
[23:20] polyabc123go: ugh..
[23:21] polyabc123go: dude im serious, i have grown a good relationship with god , then now they brought me down
[23:21] polyabc123go: im freaking mad
[23:21] polyabc123go: i only want to do the right things<input ... ></input><input ... >
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annoyed annoyed
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Okayy well, on friday,it was the last day for c-track for the first semester, then we would be off for 2 months. But since i am cross tracking to A, i still have to go to school for like one hour. But anyways. My friend told Aldrix this " hey when are you going to ask her out?" and aldrix (remember which is otani) said " why, why do you want to know!!" then my friend said " cause there are like three other guys going for her" . HA! yes that is true there are other guys going for me.. but i like him the most. And when i saw him, he look so depressed, and all sad. He just stared at me & stuff..when i talked to him for like a bit, he had such a depressing deep voice, and like i left cause our teacher let us leave and walk around campus after checking in with the teacher. Then i saw him walking around, and he just looked so DAMN SAD! so yeahh when i talked to him i told him i had to talk to him afterschool. So yeah as time passes by, its 6th period and we are walking around, and i see him and say i have to talk to you, so i take him and we start walking and i tell him that we arent going to probably see eachother  alot because of break, but he said intersession and i said im not in that i said i was in a track so i MIGHT see him, then i was telling him that even though there is this guy that likes me, doesnt mean i would go for him, that in the end i still choose you out of all those guys. then the bell rings, and he puts his hand out for a hug, but  instead.. i say 'WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!" then he looks and i kiss him right on the cheek and run. <3 then end HAHAH then i went to the mall with my friends and he went too, but i couldint find him, so i left at 7 and my friends saw him wiht his friends  i miss him.h
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Well, school is almost on break, and I am so happy ! Though since im cross tracking to A i still have to go to school but for like 1 hour and thats like 8:00 to 9:00 a.m . Ha! So i am good. Well Otani(his real name is Aldrix) So i asked Aldrix, what he wants to do between the two of us. And he doesn;t know -.- he has never had a girlfriend before, so thats why im letting him do what ever, he said hes scared to be in a relationship, and i could understand hiim, I dont want to force him, so yeahh. Even if we don't end up being boyfriend and girlfriend thats fine, i just want to always be with him.
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Okay, well yesterday on Friday, i had to tell "otani" something important, but i forgot and he kept asking what it was, so i just thought of something just so he can stop bugging me. And I said this " i don't want to be friends" and "otani" said "Okay." and i said "can't you give me a straight answer" and he said " striaghit okay a line" but he was joking, Then we passed by this dude who used to like me and was going to ask me out, but he found out i was a ninth grader and "only" dates !0th graders( what jerk right? I never even liked him)But then here comes "otani" and he says' "Hey Harrison(thats the dudes name), she(which is me) is a 10th grader", and Harrison kept asking " are you a tenth grader?" and i just smiled trying to hide my madness and was laughing, and Harrison kept asking, and "otani" was just like standing there. I was walking away and i turned back to "otani and screamed out " Why are you doing this?"and he just stared. Now I am so stupid for saying that i dont want to be friends -.-, but thats the first thing that came to my mind. But i am more pissed at the fact that he was throwing me off to some other guy when he knows i like him(otani). I feel hurt, he basically turned me down, that's what i believe , now i never want to speak to him or even see him. All i wanted to know was how he felt to my reaction, but he just gave me an "okay" I feel so broken. I am being toyed, I am like his guiney pig. I was fooled and played, my feelings are hurt. He isin't worth likeing. I don't know if he meant it when he said he liked me three weeks ago, becuase that was long ago, i want to know how he feels now. Friday was supposed to be our date, but i flaked on him like the third time . I hate him, ughh i dont really mean that, its just it will be hard for me to give up on him.. i have him for fifth period and i sit in back of him. I wish i could rewind right now and fix this. He is an arrogant asshole, and I should no no no HAVE to give up on him, i just hope some other guy will pop up and say "hello there" then this would be a new journey ;). I am just soo depressed right now, i cant even do anything right, i was walking up the stairs and i tripped, my knees started bleeding a lot. I hope i can fix this, i still have faith i can try.. but i will fail and get hurt so bad where i give up on everything
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snow patrol-you could be happy
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This band is W o n d e r f u l          
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I started to like this guy(otani), and it started by texting, i knew who he was, but we never talked in school. I didin't even have his class, i only met him once by a friend. So we just started talking on text and stuff, and i kinda started liking him and i told him if it was okay to crush on him :) haha he said yeah sure. So since then i have liked him. The next thing you know, i am moved to his 5th period class of geometry, and i now sit in back of him. So we talk in person now, he usually messes with me, hahah yeah~ His friend started to like me , and he asked me to be his girlfriend, but i said i wasn't ready, because i still liked the guy(otani). But i did not tell him that :p, so after that the friend kinda cried, and and has not been acting like him self, form what i hear from his friends.. and i truly feel sorry. For the past two weeks "otani" has been pushing me to his friend, like " you should of said yes" or "why dont you just go out with him", but what i feel inside is hurt.. because he knows i liked him ever since we started talking like in august going to be september. So yeah, i was like hurt.. and everytime in passing period to six we would walk together, one time he held my hand, the other time was when i wrapped my arm around his. I felt so confused, and just depressed, cause i hurt his friend, and "otani" was pushing me to him, he couldin't understand my feelings for him. Its been like this for like a month, so i was struggling. Then this week on monday, he talked to me, and asked why i didin't want to be with his friend, and i said " because i only think of him as a friend", then he asked " am i friend too?", i suspected something at this moment, so i just told him that " i like you, but we are friends.." and he said " i like you too, but we are friends" i didint belive it so he said it again with a "not kidding". So i believed him. We liked eachother, but I wasnt sure about his feelings, cause he isint really open, and i dont know how feels right now , this past week, we kinda walked with eachother , but he doesnt seem to really talk to me as much, so i kinda walked him to his 6th period which is close to mines, and i called his name and put up a heart sign with my hands, and he just smiled, and afterschool he was waving at me and smiling :) and i just waved too. He tried again to push me to his friend, which made me really sad, because i just told "otani"how i felt. And i talked to him, and he said "okay then, i already know how you felt" And was bragging like how the better guy won and stuff, i guess he was just trying help his friend, but what about him? You know if he liked me and was pushing me to get with his friend,how did he feel? That i diidn't know because he wasnt open about. Well now we plan to go on a date and take things slow, cause we both arent ready for bf's or gf's, wish me goodluck, i acutally want to be with person..

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Friday's are someitmes like this <3

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I love the anime sooo much! i wish that there would season 2, I heard the manga is on going though, so I guess I'll just buy the manga so it wont make me sad ~ ohh yeah i have a question, where could you find the ost for it?? eeeesh maybe I'll just lookk for it but if you find the ost TELL ME!!!

Current Mood:
cheerful cheerful
Current Music:
"slow" by kiyoharu
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So tried baking Cream Puffs earlier , and it turned out wrong ~__~ it came out as bread, but that doesnt mean I've lost my hopes for baking! Im gonna try and try to make it perfect 'o'! 
Current Location:
my room ^ ^
Current Mood:
calm calm
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